A Confession Most Honest

When I was a teenager my episodes began. They came on sweet and each one was welcomed more then the last. In fact one of the most beautiful memories of mania I had (this is of course before I knew the word mania, however, I must say even to this day I find the word to be exciting) was when I was sixteen. It was brilliant. I thought that I was having an eitherical experience. And, I don't mind telling you that to this day I'm still not convinced of the contrary.

I happened like this, I was walking down the halls of my high school feeling quite well, and all of a sudden all the light became more luminous, it had movement, and a subtle texture to it. Suddenly as if by the hand of some great power I was allowed to see, to feel, and to touch this beauty all around me. I felt my awareness of this environment had changed me some how. Then I did what I love to do, I put my headphones on and pressed the play button.  I remember the tape, it was Abba Gold (this was the nineties and it was somewhat rare for a teenager to be listening to Abba, but non the less). COLORS EVERYWHERE, and sensations that words can't describe. The music had turned into visual sensation. Frequencies of light and color I had never seen before, and I fear my never see again.

This high, this manic delusion, as doctors would say lasted several days. During that time I felt more alive then I ever had before. My sleep was non existent, and I thought I don't need it I'm  experiencing the energy of the universe of a higher power. This lack of need for sleep is a sure fire sign of mania. Then the crash came, the colors were gone, the light less luminant, everything was falling from its hights. It was gone, it was all gone. I cryed a little.

Anyone who thinks  themselves of any education what so ever has told me that was a manic experience. I agree with my brain that it was, but with my heart I still remember it as real. To this day I sometimes close my eyes put on my head phones, press play and hope.